When Food Means Safety

We would make them a full breakfast at home. Then they would grab another breakfast at school and ask classmates if they could have their leftovers.  I would find snack wrappers tucked into drawers, closets, and under pillows. When food was discovered, there was often deep shame surrounding the idea of “stealing.” We would gently remind them, with our words and actions, that the food belongs to you, too.  You don’t have to earn it, hide it, or be afraid it will disappear.

When many of us think about food insecurity, we picture a child who was starving or never had enough to eat.  While that certainly happens, food-related behaviors are often more complex. Experiences of never feeling quite “full enough,” frequent moves, food being restricted as punishment, or ongoing instability can create a fear that food may not always be available, even when a child is now living in a safe home with consistent access to food.

A child who eats very quickly, becomes anxious awaiting a meal, hides or “steals” food isn’t necessarily being defiant or manipulative. Often, these behaviors are communicating something much deeper: I don’t know if my needs will be met.

One Wisconsin adoptive parent shared that creating a “yes basket” of snacks that her children could access at any time (no questions asked) helped reduce food-related anxiety. Predictable mealtimes and routines, favorite/safe foods, and opportunities to share meals together can help build trust and a sense of felt safety.

When a child is hoarding or bingeing food, restricting access may seem like a logical solution.  Yet for children whose relationship with food has been shaped by uncertainty, lack of control, or not having enough, restriction often reinforces the very fears that are driving the behavior. Consistent access to food, along with reassurance and connection, helps children learn their needs will be met.  This may take time, but it will become a reminder that they are cared for, that their needs matter, and that there will be enough.

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