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It’s the first week of kindergarten, and your five-year-old walks out of the playroom with a pacifier in their mouth, one they haven’t needed since they were two and a half. You do a double take. Didn’t we already get over this hurdle?
You’ve just moved into a new house where your nine-year-old finally has their own big room they’ve been excitedly talking about for months. And yet, every night now, they want to be rocked like a baby before bed. Every morning, they wait in bed for you to lift them out, like they’re three again instead of nine.
Your senior in high school who drives herself to school and has been in the music honor society for three years has started hoarding food again. You haven’t seen that since she was thirteen, and you’d started to believe that was behind you.
If any of this sounds familiar, take a deep breath. What you’re seeing is regression, and it’s one of the most common, yet confusing, responses to big change in children. It can often feel like your child is moving backward. In reality, what they are reaching for is something that once felt safe, even when they are smack dab in the middle of something exciting.
As the parent or caregiver, this can feel frustrating, too. You’re not doing anything wrong, and neither are they. Even joyful change can leave a child feeling a little unsafe before it feels good. They may not have the words yet for what they are feeling underneath their behavior. This applies to big kids and teens, as well.
What helps most is connection. A low-pressure conversation on the car ride home from school. Cuddles and their favorite snack on the couch. Maybe it’s just singing loudly to their favorite song. Keep routines predictable, and if they’ve slipped during the transition, consider bringing them back. Loop their therapist or counselor in early when you anticipate these transitions, although foresight isn’t always possible.
Change is hard for everyone. You don’t have to stay steady through every wave. But you can be the anchor your child holds onto while everything else moves.
Resources
From the Resource Library
- Virtual Resource Kit: Looking at Challenging Behaviors Via a Trauma-Informed Lens
- Empowering Caregivers: 12 Strategies for Supporting Children with Complex Needs and Behaviors, Preventing Burnout
Learn in the Champion Classrooms
- Building Strong Relationships with Felt Safety
- Hope, Healing and Connection: A Trauma-Responsive Journey for Families
- Creating Belonging
- Healing-Centered Engagement: The Power of Community and Connection