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When Tonya and her husband became foster parents, they were 24 years old. They’re 45 now.
“We knew that, when a child has a home, they can do better,” Tonya said. “And we wanted to help.”
Over 21 years, that commitment has looked like a lot of things: countless trainings and conferences, children who loved roller skating at family fun events, a daughter photo-listed with the Coalition before joining their family, who is now a mother herself.
It has also looked like hard days. Judgment from those who didn’t understand trauma-informed parenting. A placement that, for safety, couldn’t continue. Respite care that felt, to her children, like abandonment.
“Being a foster or adoptive parent can be very isolating,” Tonya said.
What kept them going wasn’t any single resource or webinar. It was community.
“Being around other parents who have kids like yours, who have behaviors that ‘normal kids’ aren’t doing, it makes you feel like you’re not ‘wrong.'” Tonya explained. “Connecting with the Coalition is reaffirming — parents learn that THEY aren’t doing something wrong. That there is something wrong, and we are all working on it to make things better.”
“They understand YOU — and what you’re going through.”
After 21 years, Tonya is still connected to the Coalition. Still catching webinar recordings when she can’t make the live sessions. Still thinking about what foster and adoptive families need — and what the system still doesn’t provide.
Her advice to anyone starting this journey: “It is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. You don’t know — you have no way of knowing — that you can love someone so much; but it’s so hard.”
“Be willing to advocate like nobody’s business. Make yourself a squeaky wheel so they can’t ignore you.”
“And connect with other foster and adoptive parents — use them as a roadmap to guide you.”
This is Foster Care Month. And this is what your support makes possible.